Katie asked:
This will be my first yr. without being around my immediate family, mother, brothers and sisters. I can handle that part, my mom stopped Celebrating Thanksgiving & Christmas at her house over 10 years ago.
But I have been making Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas at my home with my newly grown family. My children, their husbands and wives and my grandchildren.
I love the holidays and always go “All out”. I’m oposite of my mom, she gets depressed, i come alive. I’ve done everything completly by myself not to mention the shopping and wrapping.
But this year is different. my kids said they didn’t want to see me. This was about 6 months ago. I had no idea it was that bad & they never said why. Been in natural menopause for over 5 yrs, & getting ready to start hormones & estrogene. Been depressed because of all the family problems. But they have not been angels either. My health suffers, any suggestions?
Thought about working a homeless shelter,but cant stand on my feet long. Help
Since my kids finally have a relationship with their dad, is when they both started acting real nasty toward me. It doesn’t matter why at this point because they weren’t adult enough to tell me why & yes I could have handled it. I can handle the truth over a lie or nothing.
I miss my grandchildren so much I told my daughter don’t do anything she will regret by withholding them from me. Her excuse on that one was she said I loved them more than I loved her. Not true just a diff. love & I have caught her in several lies & told her and yes that made her mad at me, but she’s trying to turn the tables on me at her expense of getting caught up in her lies. She knows how much I babysat & loved them but I told her they would be the ones to suffer if she did this. She has tapped this well dry (emotionally & financially) she knows I’m done. She & her family have been living w/her dad & half sis/bros. for these past 6 mths. I just dont want to sit here and cry alone all day.
What can I do?
Thanks for your answers but this one is for CSUCDART. You have no business in the family section. My question was not answered by you but don’t vent your own frustrations out here. I’ve read your Q&A’s and you are extremly rude and opinionated across the board How dare you give Chaplain Debby a thumbs down along w/ the rest? I am not bitter against my mother, I’ve loved doing the Holidays or did you miss that part? If you are reported more than once, I’m sure you are aware of YOUR consequences. There is no truth in what you say, you are clueless and should not be allowed in the Family section because like I said you are clueless.
Oh and I guess there is a reason, no one can email you back? What’s wrong you can dish it out but can’t take it? you are someone with some serious issues and I will be watching you, AND one more thing…I am not one of your “fans”.
you are a very bitter child who needs to grow up and stop responding to questions that strike a very bad nerve within yourself.
homeless shelter is not a bad ideal, find ways to donate your time and be charitable!! that should up lift your spirits. Even if you cannot do much every little bit helps. Find a friend that needs help and do a secret Santa thing! As for Christmas dinner, we are having BBQ Honey is making his special ribs! you are welcome to join!!
aw!!!
thats really messed up your kids dont wanna spend the holidays with u. they sound like ungrateful brats. i wish u lived close to me, i would invite u to my house, cuz im gonna be all alone this yr too….jerk husband and i are seperated.
I am sorry you are having a tough time and that your kids are acting like jerks. I know I would be lost without my kids They are younger though so they are not going anywhere LOL the older ones well they are off with their SO and I do not get together we chat on the phone that is about it I also do not associate with any of my immediate family like aunts uncles sister etc so I can relate a little.
Maybe you can adopt a child or a family?
I saw a post about a program like this offered at a local church one year.
also possibly visiting a Seniors home. or maybe getting in touch with one and getting paired up with a senior who has no family that you could go to visit and eat with etc.
I know there are many out here who do not have much or anyone to share the Holidays with.
For years my sons and I had an adopted granddad It was a lot of fun he would come for dinner and even though it was not needed he always brought the boys something small. he ate with us and enjoyed the day. I also would go decorate his place for him each year he would get so happy seeing it all out and done up.
We stayed in touch year round of course and went to Church together etc. he passed on a few years ago and he is very missed. My kids still have the watches he gave them his last Christmas with us.
Perhaps there are things you can do at a homeless shelter that do not require you to stand on your feet. Or, inquire at other charitable organizations, they may have some volunteer positions that you can do sitting down.
Meantime, I would call my kids and point-blank ask them why they do not want to see me. You say you have been going through menopause for 5 years now? That is a long time. I am surprised you haven’t been on HRT long ago. Get your meds NOW. Take them now. You will be amazed at how you feel normal again. Tell your doctor you are depressed, he can prescribe something that will help that also.
I am amazed at the number of people who continue to suffer when they can go to their doctor and a simple prescription or two can make a world of difference.
I remember one November, I had sinus trouble. I just dragged through the holidays with it, and felt lousy the whole time. After the holidays were over, I went to the doctor and he said I had a low-grade sinus infection, gave me an Rx for antibiotics, and I could feel the difference after a couple of days! After I had dragged myself around for the six weeks prior to that. After that, when I felt bad, I went to the doctor.
I am not saying go to the doctor for every papercut, but when you have been depressed and suffering with menopause, you need treatment.
Go get it now.
My sister and I are the only two left in our family. The rest passed away over the years. We worked at a homeless shelter one year and it was absolutely great. The people are the kindest you’d ever want to meet and it was very rewarding to be doing something that was helpful to someone else. I suggest you do that. I’m sure it will be okay that you sit down every now and then and relax your feet. You absolutely won’t regret it! PLUS.. converse with those on yahoo answers who don’t have anyone as well.
Don’t forget.. you can still cook. Either cook up meals and deliver to some elderly people in the area.. bake cookies and deliver to a nursing home.. etc. Even go hand them out to the homeless. You’ll be surprised at how this will turn out to be one of your most rewarding years.
Getting out and about puts some sunshine back in our lives! Before I became an active Minister, I had dark days. Kid problems, a divorce after 25 years!, one son going to war……yup dark days. Holidays are family days, and there are more and more people our age suffering with the same problems. I realize that being on your feet is difficult……have you thought about becoming a “rocker”? Now put that guitar away, I mean rocking a few babies? Hospitals need folks who can give some time to preemies, and babies that are critically ill. Touching these little ones helps heal them, just as touch from a loved one helps us. Helping at a homeless shelter is such a wonderful idea! There too, a little “touch” to those folks goes such a long way!
As an RN, taking the hormones will be a great help with all the annoying features of menopause along with the depression. Blessings to you! Chaplain Debby
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It seems like you continually like to point the finger but never look into yourself for your flaws.
- you are blaming the shift in attitude on the dad
- you are bitter about your mom not celebrating
- your daughter tells lies and borrow money
YOU ARE NOT AN ANGEL. Why don’t you fess up to your shortcomings and stop pointing fingers? And stop playing the health card….it gets old fast.